Did you hear about the Orange who lost his seat to a Tangerine? He should have Satsuma...
What has eight arms and an IQ of 80? Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day!
1st man: "I think my Doctor has a vowel problem." 2nd man: "Don't you mean bowel problem?" 1st man: "No, it's the vowels. He changed the spelling of the Hippocratic Oath to Hippocritic and not only that, every time I vis ... Read full
Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo? Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first. Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz. Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p? Malcolm: Miss ... Read full
Guys are just like parking spots. All the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.
My wife had a dreaded phone call to say that her mother had died earlier. “At least all that suffering has stopped now,” I told my wife. “What are you talking about?” She cried, “it was a car accident!” “I ... Read full
I was fishing with my Italian friend Mario. “I’m bored,” I said. “How can we pass the time?” “We could have a debate,” he replied. “No thanks,” I said, “I’ve brought sandwiches.”
Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, "We should really go see that together."
A couple drives to the hospital because the wife is in labor. The doctor alerts them that she invented a machine that will transfer some of the labor pain to the father, if they'd like. The husband eagerly says, "Give it ... Read full
A n old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and his older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man in is a termina ... Read full